Self-Compassion

Compassion. Self-Compassion mainly is what I feel the urge to Blog on. Cant believe I’m blogging but… Self Compassion is such a misunderstood quality that I feel a great need/ urge to share on. It saved me at the age of 61. And previously I had studied spirituality and psychology, had therapy etc. And I've been meditating off and on since college but the concept of true self compassion was misunderstood by me as well as most people I had met.

I was going through a painful divorce after 25 years of marriage. Painful divorce - two words that should be one. I wanted the divorce but had so many painful feelings of shame, guilt, & deep sadness that I went to back therapy. I really needed to work on my painful feelings of not keeping the marriage commitment, being a “bad wife”, selling the house, worry about my son, anxiety of being “alone” and on. The painting "60" below was done when I was 60. It does reflect where I was emotionally looking back.

My wonderful therapist Vivienne introduced me to Self-Compassion The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristen Neff. Her website @Self-Compassion.org has great exercises & meditations.

First of all, it's not about loving ourselves based on what we do or who we are, what we have on the outside etc. Its simply learning to relate to ourselves with kindness and care instead of criticism and judgment. Simple acts that have been proven to tap into parts of the brain that regulate emotion, reduce depression and and anxiety.

Self compassion includes treating ourselves with kind care even when we messed up or life is tough. It’s not about being selfish but appreciating what is good in us. We all have the good. A friend explained to me why she cant have self-compassion. She would just keep eating if she did not judge herself. She said it was easy for me since I’m thin. Well when it comes to controlling my eating etc., I try to treat myself as I would a child. With kindness and concern for my health. Not always easy but I try enough so that I feel healthy.

What is compassion? Co means together, and passion means suffering, pain, desire.

So suffering together… We are all suffering together…

The 3 components I’ve learned are:

1. Being kind to oneself no matter what!

2. Knowing you are not alone in your pain, we are all suffering in some deep emotional way. Its part of the “Human Condition”.

3. Being mindful of our feelings, being present with our feelings and accepting without judgement

All easier said than done. So it’s a daily life long practice. Daily I need to practice the steps above. It can be as simple as putting my hand over my heart and sending love back to myself, as I would a friend or pet. I say "May I be safe, may I be peaceful and may I be loved. I also say "May We be safe, may We be peaceful, and may We be loved" sending it to the universe.

I could go on and on as this is one of my favorite topics but if interested do check out Kristen Neff’s site and the meditations and exercises. I have been working on this for 8 years now and was blessed with going to see her at Esalen with her co speaker Chris Germer. It was a fabulous 5 days in Esalen in 2018.

Back to my story, this work has greatly reduced my anxiety. I learned from Chris Germer that anxiety is really rooted in shame. We all have it, just need to explore and release judgement from parents, teachers and society in general. It’s a practice, not anything that can just be done. Some may need a good therapist who is up on Self-Compassion, many are not...

And lastly the title of my site is "The Art of Edwina" so how does self-compassion relate? Well without my practice of it, I wouldn’t be putting my art out there. I certainly would not be writing this blog! So I am not so fearful of judgement of the virtual world, I just hope to be shining some light. I guess I am practicing the Art of Self-Compassion. (Also I dont think that many readers will get this far.)

Self-compassion and creativity go hand in hand. When we create we must be kind to ourselves without judgement. Masterpieces should never be the goal. Trust the Process ….See my previous Blog. This is why I love working with and teaching young people. Someday perhaps I’ll teach the "Art of Self-compassion".

Lets all see and shine our light!